The Myth of ‘Socialising’ in Schools

 "So… how does your kid socialise?"

That’s the question I get a lot. And every time, I smile politely, but in my head, I’m already rolling my eyes.

When I first took my son out of regular school, the only thing I felt guilty about was him leaving behind his little boy gang — the ones who’d make up secret games when the teacher wasn’t around.

They were the kind of boys who’d whisper, laugh, and build their own world — while a few “teacher’s pets” ran off to complain about them.

But even then, they didn’t stop having fun.

Secretly.

And that’s what hit me — why secretly?

Why did fun have to be something done in whispers? Why did “socialising” mean learning when to hide your joy, when to stay silent, when not to be caught being a child?

Lunch breaks weren’t “breaks.” They were silent-eating sessions monitored by “lunch in-charge kids” — yes, literal child informants making sure no one dared to talk.

Tell me, is that socialising?

Because if it is, I’ll pass.

What I saw instead was kids picking up the wrong things —

the tone, the attitude, the body-shaming, the silent hierarchies built by teachers who favoured the neatest handwriting or the fastest worksheet finisher.

The same “bright kids” then quietly resented each other. And the parents? Oh, they joined the competition too.

Suddenly, everyone was running a race that no one remembered signing up for.

So when people say “kids need school to socialise,” I ask — with whom?

Who’s guiding those interactions?

Who’s ensuring they’re learning empathy, not comparison?

Confidence, not conformity?

At home, I know who he talks to. I see what shapes him. He’s learning to connect with people of all ages — not just those sitting in the same row.

He’s an introvert, sure. He takes time to open up. But when he does, he connects deeply — and meaningfully.

And honestly, I relate. I’ve spent years “socialising” the way society told me to, and I’ve realised half of it was just noise — draining, exhausting noise.

So if my kid’s circle is smaller but real, if he chooses depth over drama — I’m good.

He’ll find his tribe.

Maybe not today, but someday.

And when he does, it won’t be because school taught him how to socialise.

It’ll be because he learned how to be himself first.